do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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