Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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