im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
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