Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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