There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
