I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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