I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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