did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
