btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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