areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
