I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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