drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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