sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Randomize
