um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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