the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
