I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
