I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
