if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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