I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
