if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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