Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
