singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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