You work out of a Hotel?
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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