he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
