I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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