butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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