i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
The convent might be a nice break from real life
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
