Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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