whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
