I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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