should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
