I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
