just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
