apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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