P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
