i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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