who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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