this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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