You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
