So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
