The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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