dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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