The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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