my soul wont recognize me after tonight
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
