im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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