We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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