I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The ass gains better be worth it
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