covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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