I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Houston, we have a squirter
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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