Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
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Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
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Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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