Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Did I show you my penis last night?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
