No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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