i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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