Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
