found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
