It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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