my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
