i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
