i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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