I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
