then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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